{life hacks} I Tried A Bunch of Those Viral “Life Hacks” So You Don’t Have To
Here is a riddle: what’s white, viscous, and doesn’t go easily through a funnel? If you answered “pancake mix” you’re right. If you put pancake mix in a ketchup bottle, is it truly a “no-mess experience?” Once the mix is in there, maybe. But you have to get the pancake mix into the ketchup bottle first. Which makes an ungodly mess. And not to be judgy, but if you have time to put your pancake mix in a bottle and all, wouldn’t that time have been better spent making tastier pancake mix from scratch? I’m just sayin’. But yeah, don’t do this.
“Condiments in a Muffin Tin”
I don’t know about you, but the number one thing that keeps me up at night is how to effectively serve condiments at an outdoor BBQ. Sadly this terrible “life hack” does nothing to address that issue. I have not tried this and I don’t need to; the picture says it all. Can we just get past the fact that an actual, smart, reasonable way to “cut down on dishes” is to leave the mayo, mustard, and ketchup in the squeezy bottles they were already in? Because I’d prefer to focus on the fact that the onions and tomatoes are EVERYWHERE on this tin because they don’t actually come close to fitting in their compartments. I mean that mayo/onion situation is an absolute nightmare. Here’s a life hack: leave your condiments in the bottles and put tomatoes and onions on a paper plate. You’re welcome.
“The Right Way to Eat a Cupcake”
You know how when you eat a cupcake the frosting squeezes out and gets on your hands? Well, let me assure you that cutting the cupcake in half and rearranging the frosting in the middle of the cupcake does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to alleviate that problem, and in fact, makes it worse. When you’re awkwardly bisecting the cupcake, you are definitely going to get even MORE frosting and crumbs on yourself. Then when you put the halves together you will, yes, you guessed it, get more frosting and crumbs on yourself. A cupcake is meant to be portable and self-contained–that is its genius and its glory. Once you involve a knife and a plate, you have taken that away. Don’t do this. It is stupid. Just hold the cupcake from its cake bottom and eat it like a normal human being.
“Laundry Basket in the Tub”
This definitely did not work for me. It might work for kids who can sit up but not do anything else, but a curious and active toddler can actually wreak exponentially more havoc with a large, awkward, wet laundry basket in the bathtub with him. The climbing, the flipping, the potential for bodily harm – it’s all bad. Plus then you have a wet laundry basket to deal with, and it’s not really a cute bathroom accessory.
“Make a Circle in Your Leftovers”
While I have not done any A/B testing on this, I have tried it and I believe it does heat the food more evenly. Go for it.
“Clean Out an Old Lotion Bottle For the Beach”
I wanted to like this one SO BADLY because it seemed like a really great idea. First, none of my sunscreen bottles were remotely this shape/configuration. All of mine had a little hole in the top and no way to open them as shown in the picture. So when I finally found the right (ish) type of bottle, I couldn’t actually figure out how to get all of the sunscreen out of it. Even a trip through the dishwasher failed to remove all of the sticky residue. So I have to give this one a fail rating, which is sad, because it held so much promise.
“Ziploc bag for your documents”
Yeah, because my purse doesn’t already have a bunch of useless garbage in it. NEXT.
“Shower Build Up”
I can really relate to this hack. I too have residue on my shower head! I have a baggy! And I have vinegar! But sadly this also did not work. Damn you, hard water.
“Corn in the Microwave”
I know you’ve seen this one, although it’s usually in video form. This actually works, but results are iffy if you try to make more than one ear at a time. Also you need a pretty good knife to cut through the whole end stalk.
“Doritos as Kindling”
If a bear lights Doritos in the woods and no one is there to see it, did it make a fire? I am not sure why Doritos specifically get called out for this, because there is nothing particularly special about the flammability of Doritos vs. other chips. I think it’s probably because “Doritos” sounds better than “Scoop-sized lime and chili Tostitos are great for kindling.” But this picture is kind of stupid too because there is clearly a twig and a cardboard box in the picture which could both also be “great for kindling.” I think you should read the phrase “if you can’t find any” as “if you are too lazy/drunk/high to look for some.” Also hands off my Doritos unless they are stale in which case feel free to light them on fire.
“Straw to Remove a Strawberry Stem”
Did you know my husband eats strawberries whole, stem and all? We can all agree that is gross, but I would gladly eat a thousand stems if it meant I never had to do this straw thing again. I somewhat grudgingly tried this trick this weekend, because I knew it was going to suck before I even attempted it. SPOILER ALERT: it does suck. First, aiming the straw and penetrating the berry in such a way as to perfectly hit all of the undesirable parts of the stem is about 14,596 times more time consuming than just cutting off the top, and it works approximately none of the time. Second, if you had one of those old-timey metal straws, maybe, but the structural integrity of the “7,000 for $1″ straws I own is not remotely up to the demands of this task.
“Fly Always Down”
What? Why on earth is your fly always down? Buy new pants. This is stupid. Also that keyring does not look anywhere near large enough to get around that button. C’mon, people, this one is a stretch.
Are you a massive hoarder? If so, this hack is especially for you. Who else has an old CD spindle that they have saved well into 2014? Who has a perfectly proportioned bagel that will fit into an old CD spindle? Who cares?
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